Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
