in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
