grandma shit on top of the toilet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
