My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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