he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
