He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
