man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
