It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
try to milk me bitch
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