I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
