just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
