Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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