You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize