his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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