i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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