Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
