she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
