he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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