She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
