I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
