Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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