Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
