they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
