My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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