Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
