I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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