I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
