I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
