Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
