Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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