I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
