she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
