sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
