I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
