porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So apparently I’m into choking now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
