I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
