Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
