see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
