Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
