I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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