Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
