im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
