I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
