I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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