Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
