There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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