those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
