i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
