If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
