I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
