she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
