You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
