Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
