I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
