Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
