i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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