Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
