after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's great music for shaving your balls
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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