i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
