I wish my penis had an off switch
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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