Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
