I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
