hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
