It's like God shit irony all over that family
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
