How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
