Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
