In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
