i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
