yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
